The speech for the Special Ed school district meeting

  I have attended and amazingly informative meeting for the special education program of the school district.  I was invited to share my experience with the program but unfortunately we run out of time and I promised the parents attending that I am going to post the speech on my blog. If you have any questions, you can comment on the actual post or you can send me a private message from the "contact us" page. 

Since the speech contains personal information, it would be removed in 2 days time, I hope everyone interested would have read it by then. 

Thank you!

"Good evening,

my name is Annie Kochnev.  

My husband and I came here tonight to do what I wish there was somebody to do for us 2 years ago. You would forgive me,that I bring out pieces of paper with me, it's not something I usually do when speaking in public, and I have some experience doing it, but it is so emotional to talk about this that I didn't want to forget something important, something that is going to help someone the way I needed help 2 years ago.

My son is 6 year old first grader at XXXXXXXElementary school, Kalin - a success story. 
Now, these are not my words, these are the words of his teachers, of his speech therapist and of the people from the Board of education, who were so nice to invite us here tonight.

My son is not a success story in my eyes. He is a miracle! A miracle that I never even dared to wish for because I was scared.I was scared of the unknown, and believe me, there were a lot of things that I didn't know. 

And that is why I am here tonight!

All I had seen in my son since he was born was a kid that should do things like other kids. I had an idea of how he would be able to make friends, how he should be able to learn to read and write, how he would be confident and happy, successful in every aspect. 

Well, he is like all children, you think you've figured them out and then they prove you wrong.

He spoke his first words when he was 5 months old. His speech was developing extremely well by the age of 16 months, when we moved to the US. A 2 months of day care, 3 months of overlapping ear infections, 64 days on antibiotics later, his hearing was so damaged, that the doctors recommended 2 separate operations to fix the problem. 

He was in a completely new environment, he didn't have any friends, he didn't speak English and he couldn't hear.

It is hard for me to even remember this, let alone talk about it. We managed to escape the 2 operations and that was a huge relief for us. His hearing was getting better and the prognoses that he would go completely deaf didn't come true. At that point I thought it was over and I didn't have to be scared for him anymore, everything was going to be OK.

The speech problems started slowly, that's why nobody noticed at first,

after all, the kid went though so much in the past year that no one even recognized the signs. And he was bilingual. It sounded so simple, it sounded so right, that I didn't even think about it as a speech problem.

By the age of 3.5 above 99 % of the people who communicated with Kalin were not able to understand him at all. 

He made such a mess of English and Bulgarian with almost incomprehensible pronunciation that even we as parents couldn't understand him at times. He was a mess himself, always frustrated with the lack of ability to express himself, that we didn't understand him, that he was tired of repeating himself. He got very shy, and at one point started to avoid talking whenever possible or would give up if we didn't understand him at the first try.

Things didn't seem right to me.

I started looking for answers. Everyone was telling me and my husband that we are overreacting. I started working with Kalin at home, I thought that if the problem was just gaining some English, then I can help him out. I got the appropriate for his age books and we started our home lessons. Kalin couldn't finish 20 % of what I was trying to teach him. He was getting frustrated, I was getting frustrated, at the end of the lesson one of us or both of us were in tears. That continued over a month, in which time I was looking for answers what I am doing wrong.Granted I am not a teacher, but for the amount of work we put into this there should be some progress!

We decided to sign him up for preschool and we found this wonderful teacher, who supported us in every step of adjustment he went through!

Yes, Kalin had improved, he had made friends, he was able to communicate with them somehow, he was not labeled as different and he was not bullied which I feared the most. And I have his teacher  Ms. Slotsky to thank for this! But even the best intentions are not enough by itself. I continued to work with Kalin at home, things were somewhat better, but he still had great difficulties. By the time of the first Parent-Teacher conference my husband and I had discussed many times how the problem with Kalin's ability to learn and speak seamed more than just a simple case of a bilingual child and we were anxiously waiting to meet with his teacher and hear her opinion about it.

His teacher confirmed our fears and she urged us to get him evaluated.

We got the results of the screenings and I have to say although i though I was prepared for it and it wasn't as worse as we feared it was humbling experience.

From top to bottom you can read only " Low average", "below average"," Low level", "low average", "low, low, low.

All kinds of questions went through my mind.

First of all I blamed myself. I blamed myself for not recognizing the signs earlier, for not being stubborn enough to pursue the attention to the problem when I sensed it, for just settling with the " bilingual" explanation.

Then I was ashamed.

Ashamed that there was something I was supposed to do for my child and I didn't know that.

Ashamed that I didn't know how to help my child.

Ashamed that I didn't ask for help when I needed it!

I felt guilty in every possible sense. I felt guilty for every thought I had that he is not trying hard enough, when he was indeed struggling and needed the help I wasn't giving him! If I hadn't wasted that much time thinking about excuses and how my child should not have this problem since I do everything for him, he wouldn't had to go through all this!

How on earth, two intelligent and educated people as me and my husband ,who pay so much attention to their child can miss something like that?!

It was mind blowing.

Then I accepted the truth of the facts and decided that it doesn't matter what I could have, should have, would have done.

What really mattered was what I was going to do about it now! And what I was going to do about my child was find the best possible help I could for us.

And it started. The results ware reported to the school district. Letters, folders and folders of information was exchanged, reports, meetings, calls.

The whole process was completely new for me, not only because I come from another country  and I have never dealt with this kind of educational system, but because didn't know anything about the special education system too! 
This lead to a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of reading, a lot of calls, a lot of questions. What I realize now is how lucky I was, that I found the people to give me the right answers! I was very persistent, to the point of obnoxious. Ask Mrs.A, the Board of education chairwoman. :-)

Kalin went through Kindergarten screening at XXXXX school and we met our speech therapist, Ms.B. Now I know that she said not to mention her name, but believe me, I have every reason to print her name and the names of all the people who helped Kalin when he needed it on fliers and tape them to every single light pole in the city!

The first impression my husband and I got when we went to the meeting with the Board of education and the people from the school was that we are looking at an well oiled machine.

Everyone knew exactly what they were doing and they did it well.

Of course I was anxious! 

Who wouldn't be? It was my child's well being at stake, I wanted to make sure we made all the right decisions and most importantly I didn't want to make a mistake again!

What I didn't realize then was that I couldn't make that mistake again. Nobody in that room in that meeting would have allowed me to. Every single question I had was answered promptly and I was reassured many times that Kalin is going to receive the best help possible.

At that point, for me these were only words, as probably this is to you now.

 I was scared, but even then, I realized that this is a team effort and if we are to succeed. we all need to be at the same page!

Kalin was working at XXXX school with his speech therapist, he was working with his teacher at the Montessori school, he was working at home with me and my husband.

It was a hard hard work, I wouldn't lie to you! But we ALL knew what we were doing now! I communicated with the speech therapist and she helped me immensely. I needed to understand the problem and to know how to address it so I can help Kalin.
Our learning sessions at home were not finished in tears anymore. Yes, it was hard, yes, it was demanding but it was rewarding too! The confidence that Kalin gained was remarkable! He had so much improvement only in the first 3 months that I couldn't believe it!

November 19th, 2009. This is a day I would never forget. Mrs. B asked me to her office and showed me Kalin's yearly evaluation. I cried like a child. Let me just read you a small part of the results:

( Kalin's results!)

I am not reading this to you to brag about my son's success. I am reading it to you as a solid proof that miracles do happen!

And as all miracles this one needed it's angels too:

Mrs.B, Mrs. C, Mrs.D, Mrs. E, Ms. F, Mrs G, Mr. H, all members of the board of education at XXXXX School District.

Thank you! Thank you for making my impossible miracle come true!

And Kalin is not a miracle, in the sense of exception, because I am completely sure that he is not the only one these people helped! 

He is my miracle, because in my eyes, at the time this progress was not in the range of possible outcomes!

And before I finish, I have couple of words of advice for every parent in this room who is anxious about the process they are going to go through.

- Believe in your self, your child and the people who are trying to help you.

- Be persistent and ask questions, that is the best way to learn!

- Work as a team with the people helping your child! Half of your child's success is coming from her efforts, the other half depends on you and there are people here, who are ready to help you help your child!

Thank you! "